More and more I’m realizing just how prone to disconnection I am. And when I am disconnected I do not feel like myself. And when I do not feel like myself, that is, when I do not feel happy and fulfilled and like people are these wonderful beings who bring so much joy, wonder, and excitement into life, it feels to me like something is wrong. It feels like I am missing something. It feels like I am bored and alone.

We had a board of directors meeting tonight at the church. Before I went I was not looking forward to it. I have enjoyed my role and being a little more involved but I still feel like something is missing there. Just like in your intimate relationships they say how you can’t expect your spouse or romantic partner to meet all your needs, I wonder if it is the same with church where it can’t meet every social need.

People had suggestions when I brought this up. I could change where I sit in the pew on Sundays. That way I’d get a chance to talk to a wider variety of people. Or during the 5th Sunday potlucks, instead of our family sitting all at one table, we could split up and spread out among other tables. Someone mentioned me coming to pew sisters again. I probably would if it weren’t that this year I will now have classes on Tuesdays.

So there it is. It’s this combination of “no, I’m not going to do that” (change where I’m sitting) and “that legitimately isn’t going to work for me right now”. I was reminded, however, sort of indirectly in my spirit, that there is nothing stopping me from noticing someone else and reaching out to them. There is definitely truth to forgetting about yourself for a while and looking to see and meet the needs of others.

This is what I’m most looking forward to doing. Being able to give people my undivided attention. To listen to them and be a witness with them. To love them in a way that many people have never experienced but is lastingly healing once you do. There is nothing special about any of this, that is, nothing beyond what God has already called and given me to do in this life. I was thankful for the needed reminder.