“When deconstruction narratives happen, there is usually at least a pretense of a more intellectual shift. What Hatmaker is offering is a more primal narrative: “I left the tradition of my past not primarily because it stopped making sense or started hurting people I love, but because I’m tired of feeling bad about the things I want to do.”
~Samuel D. James, from his Substack article Female Culture is Being Pornified~

Sigh. I’ve been reading this person’s articles for years and I can’t help but just feel sorry for him in a way, in addition to a little bit frustrated. He is so smart, so firm and unwavering, and yet he still does not get it. He cannot, for whatever reason, seem to understand why women would find his traditional beliefs to be questionable.

The above line was the kickstart, that thing when you’re reading something and you’re listening along just fine and then a line pops out that “triggers” you, makes your heart start to race and makes you think, “Boy, now you’ve really done it”. You spoke about things of which you do not understand. And what you said was so off base.

I’ve been wanting to read Jen Hatmaker’s new book but I’ve been dragging my feet because I do not want to spend the money (over $20). It’s old news, the whole religious deconstruction era, and I’m not really sure I want to hear about how great her new sex life is or how much she betrayed herself by falling in line with so called patriarchy.

These guys like the above writer do tell on themselves sometimes. They are rarely known for their openness, vulnerability, and warm spirits. Yes I get how tired we are of hearing about how some conservative religious beliefs screwed up people’s lives and interfered with the formation of healthy relationships and truer self acceptance.

I left behind some of the traditions of my past because they did stop making sense and because they were causing harm to a person I loved, and that person was me. I might have had to imagine myself as somebody else, I might’ve had to will myself to transfer that love then to me, but you are right, it wasn’t mainly a mind thing but a heart one.