I’m currently reading parts of the book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson. She’s supposed to be one of the best couples therapists in the entire world. The hard professor at Lincoln was very private about personal information but the ones who took her intensives were told that she uses Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy with her couples. And that’s what she was modeling to us so many times in our group and family classes. Something about all this therapy lately has got me spooked.

I had a really weird experience last week where a couple came in that I did not know. Except because of another couple I’d seen before (it was not a referral), I felt like I knew them. They were characters in a story that had suddenly come to life. They had bodies and faces and a similar story with real emotions. Because my filter is not really there I told my supervisor that I didn’t think I could work with this couple, because I already knew too much about them that they did not tell me.

It would come out somehow, I was certain of it. So they’re supposed to get transferred to the new lady who has come on to help with the marriage clients, which I am happy for now. I was just feeling kind of overwhelmed and vulnerable about the whole thing. You notice the ones who cancel repeatedly (more than once) and it doesn’t feel particularly uplifting if they’re also one of the ones you don’t feel an easier connection with. At some point people will figure out and know who I am.

And that will make them uncomfortable and the whole thing will be weird. It may have already happened at least once with a mom who was in a homeschool group where we had mutual friends (“friends”, more like acquaintances). Anyway, this is a small enough town where people know people and I really don’t want to turn into this hermit who’s afraid to go out places because I don’t want to see people. It’s been like that at several events this summer. Part of that is just the needing space.