Elianna and I are home from the hospital. Josh came back and picked us up around one. He and the kids had come by after church to visit in the morning and spend some time. I’m still trying to regain my bearings after this and sort it out. She is supposed to take a week off work and take things easy which is not something that naturally runs in her nature. She came with me up to El Paso to drop off my niece with my brother in law. My niece was a trooper and was flexible with all the changes.

When we were at Detweiller and I was moving around from place to place during the races, I had a moment where I remembered that several years ago this would not have been possible. My first cross country season as a parent I ran. I became enthralled with the sport that was just as much a sport for me than it was for them. The first season was the last time that ever happened, but a few nights ago at Detweiller was the closest it’s ever been to being that way again where I was running.

Because it wasn’t just one race, it was three races of watching my kids plus another whole race moving and cheering for a kid who wasn’t mine. It absolutely would’ve been unheard of. And there was gladness and a much more frequent gratitude in my steps while I was doing so, but at the same time there was also a fear. What is this going to cost me and how long will it take to recover from doing this, on a weekend where there were back to back to back days of extra scheduled activities.

I know that God can take away strength where there was some. I also want to acknowledge that he can give and did give me strength this weekend when there was very little. Like actual physical strength and alertness to not be suffering through weakness. Once the hump was over and we were actually in the room things started to move and did not feel long again. My peace somewhere did eventually return and the psychological pain that can so often plague me subsided into a renewal.

Laura was curled up in a picnic blanket on the ground, growing a baby. After Ethan’s race she stayed sitting down, or lying down, or sleeping. When we were cheering for Lydia and it was me, Ethan, Elianna, Abigail, and John. I said to John, “I need a picture of you with your medal”, and his glowing, happy face. It was dark but we were under lights. He said how about after the race. I knew I shouldn’t have listened to him but I did it anyway. He said that way we can get one with everybody.