Today I saw two teenage girls at my other job. I have really been itching to talk to my supervisor and tell him that I am officially wanting to leave Hope. More flexibility. More money. More time for me to have with people who I care about. One of the girls I see always hates being there at first. I have had to get past my stubbornness to not want to play games and the idea that therapy is a waste if we are not somehow actively doing something more therapy-like. There a lot of kids who need help.

She tells me I need to get fidgets and squishies. I still have so many ideas for an office. It’s the equivalent of setting up a classroom. You know where things are and everything has an intended purpose and use. Both of the girls like being on the floor which is a welcome change from the constant adult sitting. Everybody needs to be moving more, but baby steps.

I’m really trying to foster contentment and not be moving around like this all the time. It’s like the stone needs to be rolled back in front of the mind cave so that there is no way to get back in. The mind cave is where I went because it was just easier to die in there. But now I like leaning against the stone instead of needing to go all the way in. I can still rest there, but without anything to fall into, and the sun is still there and the hard ground which I like because it’s solid and holds me up.