I’m coming to see more and more that people choose their own crazy. Not all the time, but a lot of times, and those are the ones that I struggle with and want to fix and make better. Just stop doing xyz and half your problems would be solved right there. But this is not how people work. You have to sit with the baffling nature of addictions and how the brain is their worst enemy because it will not let them have relief from the urges and the cravings no matter how much they want to be free.

That’s the part I do not get and why I think it only happens because of miracles. There was an addict I wanted to fix today or find some way to soothe and comfort him in all of his anxiety and numbness. Two other women finally opened my heart up to where I finally gave in and said perhaps I need to be more sympathetic with these women instead of trying to get them to see the ways they’re making themselves crazy. Another made my heart hurt because of what she told me.

As in everything she’d been through. So I come home and try not to cry and complain about it. I can usually tell when it’s a futile endeavor so today I did come home and cry and complain about it a little. One person asked me to pray for friends who’d lost their 29-week old baby. So I did. And then I spent about two minutes afterward wondering if I’d gotten the couple’s names right in the prayer. I just want this marriage to make it and for the man to stay sober and for the baby to be okay.