“I think that might be an oldest child thing.”

The kids had a track meet this evening. They had one yesterday evening as well, which is an unusual thing to have two in a row. The coach added the one yesterday with the likely possibility that tonight’s meet would end up being cancelled due to weather. It didn’t end up raining, so the track meet was on. The temps were actually comfortably warm. There was just this constant gust of flatland, country, midwestern wind.

Most of the time being a mom of teens has been positive, but every so often I have conflicts with my older two kids. It happened tonight, where my mom feelings were hurt. I know I have my own issues that are mine to deal with and not things to project onto other people. My “love” is tainted in many ways, and yet even still I can find it hurtful, even lonely, when my heart so often goes unseen. Why don’t these ones who I love so much, who I would surely do almost anything for, why can’t they see me? Why do I feel such alienation?

I think likely first and foremost it’s a matter of maturity. With me being the adult, I’m supposed to be the one who possesses this quality in greater measure. The Bible says not to be wise in your own eyes, but sometimes I do wonder things like, “Why doesn’t anyone appreciate my wisdom?” I remember asking my mom one time regarding a conflict with one of my siblings, “But when is my wisdom going to count for something?”

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