I gave him back his books and key and that was basically it. I did kind of think there’d be a little bit more but there really wasn’t much more to say at this point. I said “if you ever need anything, I don’t know what it would be”, and he said ditto, and that was it. I was talking to a client this morning about her struggle is being made worse by the fact that she is still holding out hope that she can drink in the future. The thought of being able to drink again is what motivates her.

So we talked about the white knuckling needing to be balanced by an opposite force, the letting go. The one alone is not enough. I didn’t know how that looked for her beyond the theoretical but I asked her what she would thank the alcohol for if she could thank it. For helping her become more confident. For helping her enjoy her life. And those are all fine and good. But now we’re going to make a different choice than the one to drink. Alcohol will somehow always be in her life.

But her relationship with the alcohol is needing to change. I don’t know, I don’t totally get it. So anyway, I’m just saving myself some misery and just accepting that this particular phase of the journey is over. Moving on to the next thing. It’s been my primary prayer throughout much of my time there, “please keep moving me into what you would have for me”, not the thing that I am wanting, not the thing that I am forcing. I leave a more secure and healed person.