After the track meet the boys played on the baseball field for a while. We brought along a picnic supper to eat, so the grown-ups sat on a bench and ate their sandwiches as spectators. The track kids were eating right across the street at one of the local town restaurants, which is a school tradition following the conference meet.

Out of four smaller area schools, the boys team placed first which they’ve done for several years in a row. The girls team placed a close second this year. One of the runners hurt his hip during the hurdles and couldn’t finish the race. He grabbed his hip and laid down in the grass. After wondering for a moment what we should do if anything, there were soon several of us who went out to him.

His dad plus two senior boys helped to carry him out of the track area. They got him to where he was leaning on a railing and off his hurt leg. His parents went to get his clothes and backpack as well as their cars to take him to the nearby urgent care. Another dad helped his dad get him from the railing to the car. They left for Chatham.

On Good Friday afternoon we took the taps out of the trees. It was a beautiful spring day that we used for catching up on little odd jobs. We used different trees this year–I can’t remember if I said that. Instead of the bottom of the big hill closer to the creek we stayed mostly up by the camping area. There are three bigger ones up here that we also tried last year that have really good yields.

We had our family pancake meal a couple of weeks ago. We didn’t end up boiling all the sap this year, just enough to make some syrup to use. We really do need to get the taps in sooner, like toward the end of January where the trees can run for the next six weeks. Neither of us had capacity to give much time to the process but I feel like each time we still come away having learned.

I took a good half hour nap this afternoon and it still feels like I could fall right back asleep. We have class tonight with a speaker coming to talk about substance abuse and working in an outpatient rehab facility. This has probably been my least favorite class so far, plus the topic just isn’t fun. Addictions seem to be some of the worst conditions to have ever afflicted the human race.

The grass takes on a deep green this time of year. It’s been mowed at least once now and it always smells so nice those first few days after. There is a lot of grass to mow out here and each year it seems to vary on whose job this is. It’s never just up to one person to mow it. Josh does some, the kids do some, there’s often a different volunteer each year who is around to help out with it.

After church we spent the day at my in-laws house. Before my father-in-law’s cancer diagnosis, he had just gotten all of his land arrangements finalized with his farm land. They don’t own a ton, but it is enough for him to make a living farming it himself without needing a partner or a job on the side to supplement. They’d planned to build a house on the farm. They’ve met with an architect and have plans to start on the house this spring.

The remainder of the day has been for resting at home. Uncle Glenn is next door staying in a camp room for the night. He lives in Northern Illinois now and drives a truck for a living. Uncle Mark and Aunt Cyndy were at lunch today too, along with their two daughters Christina and Clara. Josh told me later this evening that he was glad we got married and had a family. I told him I was too.

“But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.”
~1 Corinthians 15:20~

It’s been a busier couple of days doing Holy Week things. Thursday the boys and I went Easter clothes shopping. Grandma keeps them stocked up on church clothes, church shoes, tennis shoes, school shorts, uniforms, coats, and most of their clothes. But most years I try to take them shopping for new shirts. They each picked out two and I picked out a couple for my older son.

This morning we had the Matins service. Dad had to preach so he left a little early. The baseball team had an away game in Decatur, so my son left earlier this morning to ride there with Grandma. I was scheduled to help stuff Easter eggs after the service, so my daughter and I helped with that while Dad took the boys and made it over after church for the rest of the baseball game.

My daughter and I stopped by a consignment shop to look for dresses. She was looking for one to wear to prom. She tried a few on but none were quite right, which it’s harder to find dresses in a store like that. We then went to Wal-Mart for more clothing items which took a while for us both to try on. She found what she needed and I found a couple of shirts I could wear for the spring.

Next we went to County Market to get the rest of the items for the breakfast casseroles and salads. They didn’t have strawberries, to my confusion and surprise, so I called Dad to see if there were any stores where he was at that looked like they would have strawberries there (I really didn’t want to go back to Wal-Mart). He said there was a Schnucks and he could pick some up there.

The Easter Vigil was later this evening. In the past it’s started at 7 but tonight it started at 8. Dad had to read, bring the wood, and start the fire. Before that I’d made soup for anyone who was hungry. The kids cleaned the kitchen and helped me with food things. It’s becoming a tradition to worship softly through Easter morning services. I stay in the kitchen where there are works for me there.

I decided just to go ahead and use my SkyView app for starting to learn the constellations. It’s super easy. All you have to do is go to the app store and type in SkyView. It’s the free one so it’s actually SkyView Lite. The field journal I have has been on my nightstand for months and is a beautiful book. Other than looking through it a few times, I haven’t gotten to it with everything else.

Maybe at some point I might still try to learn them the other way, like when you’re logging your field hours and drawing the pictures. But I wasn’t learning them at all by not doing anything, so I decided to start with Orion and work around from there. Certain constellations are only visible certain times of the year. They say winter is when he’s most visible in the Northern Hemisphere.

The next one is Taurus which is to the upper right of Orion. The app is nice too because it shows you a drawing-like picture of what the constellation is supposed to be, in this case, a bull. I’m trying to be able to just look up and find him, like on clear night when we happen to be getting home after dark. Gemini is an easier one to Orion’s upper left. Leo I can find because his body is a trapezoid.

“I think that might be an oldest child thing.”
~Mom~

The kids had a track meet this evening. They had one yesterday evening as well, which is an unusual thing to have two in a row. The coach added the one yesterday with the likely possibility that tonight’s meet would end up being cancelled due to weather. It didn’t end up raining, so the track meet was on. The temps were actually comfortably warm. There was just this constant gust of flatland, country, midwestern wind.

Most of the time being a mom of teens has been positive, but every so often I have conflicts with my older two kids. It happened tonight, where my mom feelings were hurt. I know I have my own issues that are mine to deal with and not things to project onto other people. My “love” is tainted in many ways, and yet even still I can find it hurtful, even lonely, when my heart so often goes unseen. Why don’t these ones who I love so much, who I would surely do almost anything for, why can’t they see me? Why do I feel such alienation?

I think likely first and foremost it’s a matter of maturity. With me being the adult, I’m supposed to be the one who possesses this quality in greater measure. The Bible says not to be wise in your own eyes, but sometimes I do wonder things like, “Why doesn’t anyone appreciate my wisdom?” I remember asking my mom one time regarding a conflict with one of my siblings, “But when is my wisdom going to count for something?”

“Nobody can be interesting all the time, sustain high energy all the time, or fully invest himself or herself all the time. Never travel with anyone who expects you to be interesting, lively, and emotionally invested all the time. Real life doesn’t work that way. Neither does prayer.”
~Ronald Rolheiser, Domestic Monastery~

I am aware that when I write here I occasionally reveal what are glaring errors in my thinking. For example, after I wrote that one post about being upset that’d spent so much time of my spring break reading articles and threads about an article I’d read on the internet, I realized something. First, I had also just listed the various ways my family had spent some of their spring break, which all included doing things that they enjoy.

My husband enjoys doing special things for his kids. My son enjoys the Cardinals and watching their games. My boys enjoy playing Minecraft and learning tips from other players. My daughter, who loves animals, enjoys spending time with her cousins as well as meeting my sister’s new pets. There is nothing wrong with any of these activities and it makes total sense, that being the people they are, that this is what they were doing.

In that way, it also makes sense that I was spending my spring break, a time when one would normally experience a suspended time from certain duties, spending more time engaged in something like reading. In this case, my thing was reading about about a topic I am interested in and spending time also reading what other people have to say about it. Reading about what interests me is something that I as a person like to do.

“Why are you saying this? You’re just trying to justify the various ways you waste your time.” Actually, no. Two different things can be true at one time. There can be activities that a person enjoys and likes to do, such as reading or writing, and there can also be misuse or poor use of those activities. I don’t feel as though I am saying that right. What I mean is, I can be okay with spending time reading, and also be frustrated about it.

But back to the time thing, it seems to be a theme that’s come up a couple of times. There are a lot of things I currently feel frustrated with as far as my time goes. There are a lot of things I want to work on and do, things that take time, and time that takes me being able to better organize myself and choose the ways I want to spend it. This season of life is pushing me to grow in this area and it’s been good to do so. I actually like being organized.

Not that that’s a word people would use to describe me, by any means. I’m just saying that I’m willing to learn and keep trying, to keep growing in the ways God would have me to grow. Another thing I realized is that I misquoted Paul. I said he called himself a Pharisee of Pharisees but what he said, at least in the passage I was thinking of, was that he was a Hebrew of Hebrews. Maybe silly to mention but I also felt it worth doing so.

(The above would be a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT)

The boys needed haircuts this evening. Everyone gets haircuts before Christmas and Easter, at least anyone whose hair is looking like it needs trimmed. I got my haircut two months ago for the second time since covid. I originally asked her for two inches off and when she looked at it she said it really needed four in order to get back to the healthy parts. So I reluctantly agreed to the length, even though I knew that meant it was going to be too short for a while.

We had a nice visit with my in-laws this afternoon. I’ve been on a bit of a food planning kick. Last Saturday while thinking up a new weekly menu, I asked if they wanted to come over for Palm Sunday lunch. Holy Week has completely snuck up on me. I don’t know even know what really happened to Lent. Josh used to give his dad haircuts every so often after lunch. After his first chemo treatment he lost his hair, and it hasn’t been cut since it started falling out.

One of the boys wasn’t thrilled about his hair. He gets down and quiet whenever something is bothering him. I’ve been cutting their hair lately and it isn’t unusual for one or two to dislike it at first. They do the same thing when dad cuts it so I know it isn’t just me. Josh cuts his own hair and has done so for as long as I’ve known him. He used to let me cut it sometimes during the summer when we worked here. I occasionally still help him with the back if he asks.

“Monks have secrets worth knowing, and anyone who has ever been to a monastery knows that monks (who pray often and a lot) sustain themselves in prayer not through feeling, variety, or creativity, but through ritual, rhythm, and routine.”
~Ronald Rolheiser, Domestic Monastery~

I can already tell I’m going to love this book. I haven’t been reading much, it feels hard these days. My brain feels oversaturated and I don’t know if it’s just the tiredness of winter or something else, a worldly, phonely, malaise. They talk all the time about how our phones are destroying our attention spans and making it harder to read actual books. I’ve really never felt anything like that till now.

School probably is part of it. Any time sitting down feels like a betrayal of my duties, and yet, duty continues to call every day. I don’t mind it, I truly don’t, no matter how much I let it slip every so often that housework, clothes, meals remain an unending task. I walked around the upstairs this morning, noticing each of the rooms and thought, “It’s really not bad. The house isn’t that bad.” It really isn’t, it truly isn’t.

There were houses in town that suffered damage from the storm. Thankfully, from what we heard, no one was hurt. My sister texted this morning with pictures from her in-laws property. They live in a wooded acreage and there were downed trees everywhere, huge trees bent in half, fallen, or mangled. Thankfully too their home was not affected. My sister partial to trees–the oaks–wept when she saw them.

My back is doing better since the last time I mentioned it. I called the doctor on Monday and got a prescription for a muscle relaxer. I stayed home Monday night from class but by Wednesday evening felt well enough to go to the high school home ball game. Thursday I was up and walking around again and today could do normal modified house chores including getting the dining room extra-clean for company tomorrow.

One of the boys stayed home and helped me. The rest of the kids were with Dad for the camp work day. They had a small group this time, with the only other ones there being the maintenance man and one of my son’s school friends. But it was enough to get the cabins swept, the boats put out, and the main utility closet cleaned. We had lunch in the dining hall where blazed already a warm fire.

My dad called to see how things had gone with the storms. He usually calls to let us know when they’re coming, which he did that too, and I noticed then I had missed it. He’s always been one to keep an eye on the weather, especially this time of year when tornado warnings come around.

It wasn’t too bad here. We had rain, hail, and thunderstorms, but the winds didn’t seem too crazily high. We rode into Sherman where we heard there’d been a possible touchdown. On the way we saw a line of around six snapped power line poles, the top halves nowhere to be seen.

The power went out later this evening and the internet also. It wasn’t too long before it came back on, about an hour. In the meantime Dad and a few of the kids told stories. We were all in the living room with flashlights and candles. When the power came back everyone finished their show.